Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
