Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
