i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
