U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize