You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
