It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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