Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
