I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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