I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
