the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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