I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize