I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
