I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
