Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
