DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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