you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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