the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
