I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How's work?
Spinning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
