fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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