And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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