I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
