I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
