i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
