Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
