The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
