She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
