What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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