Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
