even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i think i just lost a toe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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