I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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