I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
