so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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