Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
