i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
