Welp...herpes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
