Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
