Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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