I cockslap morals
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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