someone threw a dead crab at me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize