At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
