3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
