names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
