Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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