whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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