just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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