yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
