I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize