Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
