in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
