I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
