I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
