I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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