last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
