so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
