So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
