i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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