bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if only i could text you this smell
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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