im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
