I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
