problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am mentally ready for anal.
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