she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
