you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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