apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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