i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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