just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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