Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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