You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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