Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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