So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
