There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
