I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
