drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
