Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
