bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
