I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
