i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
