would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
