I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
