the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
