I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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