Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
