the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
