I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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