As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
