The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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