I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
