The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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