I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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