just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
