So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
