He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
