Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize