she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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