she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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