I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
