i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
