Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
