His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
