She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
