before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
