im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
