yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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