Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
