I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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