Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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