I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
