things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
